A letter to my daughter that I wrote in April

Date 20th April 2011

To My Darling Little Chicken R

First I need to tell you that I love you very much. I miss you dreadfully. I work everyday on getting all of the things that you love back in your life.

Never think that I am not doing things for you as I am thinking about you all of the time every single day, ALL day.

Your mummy is like you BIG and BRAVE. Everything that is true will all rise to the surface very soon and all that we had together, we will have again. I have Scampi ready for you to ride all through the summer. He is been looked after by a little girl until you can look after him again. Tigger is still very much your cat although he now sleeps on mummy’s bed instead of yours. Tia and Rosie are still tormenting each other.

The kids miss you so much and we all cry a lot when we think about you and everything that we did together. I have told O, M and J that it is good to cry. Mummy cries too and I know you have cried lots and lots because you were taken away from me. R it will all get better as Mummy has not just handed you over and been happy about all of this. I never ever agreed to you been taken away and I am very very cross at the people who did this to us.

You will be very proud of mummy when I can show you everything that I have done to make this all better. I have worked harder than any other time in my life.

This has been a lot harder than any modelling job or training any race horse. I have been very tired but it will all be worth it in the end. Just because I have not seen you does not mean I am not caring about you. I care more about you than anything else in the whole wide world xx (even Dave but don’t tell him).

I know you are not scared of mummy as I have never ever done anything to hurt you have I ? You always used to cry if you thought that I was cross with you but I never ever was cross. You are the best little daughter in the world and I will never ever tell you off ever. I love you too much and I have tried my very hardest to protect you and love you. Sometimes bad things happen and I cannot do anything about it at the time but I will never ever stop fighting for you. You are my life and without you I am nothing.

You and I are so alike R. Everyone says how much you look like your mummy and they also say that you are crazy like mummy. Never stop being yourself R. Do not let people bully you or tell you what to do. You know the difference between right and wrong, good and bad because I have brought you up properly. You know to respect people and most importantly to tell the truth. It is not a good thing that you have learnt at such a young age that bad things can happen in life but everything is going to be fine R, you must take comfort in what mummy is saying.

Do not be scared or worried. Your mummy will never leave you. You are my daughter and I am there for you always and forever.

You have finally managed to get the Moonstone Necklace that you love as much as I do. Why do you think you now have it? It is because it is the most precious stone that a mummy and daughter can have between them. It stands for love and we will always be close no matter what happens around us. Hold it and think of your beautiful mummy as I will never be far away from you. You have it because you need it right now. I am strong enough to live without it for a while but I expect you to give it back! I am only loaning it to you as we may need to give it to baby Sapphire at some time.

Can you remember last year when you said “mummy are you going to be famous again?” Well because of what has happened to you and I, I am going to the very top people in the country to make everything happy again. I am getting all of the people that you love lots, back in your life so that you can see them and be really happy, like O, M, Joe, CD, S, T, R, T, nanna D, your Aunty C and all of your many cousins like J and W and most importantly YOUR BIG MUMMY xxxxxx.

I am in a lot of the newspapers again and people are starting to listen to mummy now. I know it was horrible last year when you were not allowed to see mummy and I know it is horrible now but I have not died R, like little D that lives near D whose mummy died. She will never see her mummy again and can only have memories and pictures but you will see mummy and mummy cannot wait to hold and squeeze you very very tight.

Can you remember mummy always saying “Do I kiss you too much?” and what did you ALWAYS reply? D got fed up of me always kissing you didn’t he?

When you told me that you want to go hunting on S for a whole week I am going to make sure that you do. When you sent the postcard to D saying when you come home we are all going on holiday to Mallorca, I am going to make sure that we do. You pestered mummy for a little brother or sister didn’t you? Mummy has a big tummy now and baby Sapphire has long legs just like you and mummy. You are getting what you are wishing for. I am not sure if you still want Me and CD to get married but we are going to and we want you along with O and M to be the head Bridesmaid. I hope that you would like to do this.

Your little baby sister should be arriving very soon and as soon as she is born I am going to tell her about her big sister R. I will tell her all about you every day. I hope you are going to teach her how to ride like I taught you.

Keep wishing R, the Angels are looking after you whilst mummy is not there.

All my love and lots of kisses
Your Beautiful Mummy
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About Sabine Kurjo McNeill

I'm a mathematician and system analyst formerly at CERN in Geneva and became an event organiser, software designer, independent web publisher and online promoter of Open Justice. My most significant scientific contribution is www.smartknowledge.space
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8 Responses to A letter to my daughter that I wrote in April

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